The Kagome Way
by YuriAnna
Summary: Kikyou, sick and tired of getting the short end of the stick, decides to try living life the Kagome way.


Kikyou was tired. Not only was she tired, she was hurt and alone and splashed from head to foot in blood. In short, it was a fairly typical day.

As she washed the gore from her arrows in a nearby stream, she realized that this was not a good way to run a life. Or unlife, in her case.

"How is it," the priestess mused, "that things always seem to go right for my reincarnation? She is, after all, essentially me, but lacking self-preservation instincts and with bouncy hair. Hmm…"

* * *

A few minutes later, Kikyou wandered out into the forest, bow and arrows conveniently left behind. Her hair, padded with foliage, had at least some semblance of bounce, and she'd squeezed her eyes as wide open as possible. As a side effect she was seeing double and rustled when she walked, but such was the price of beauty. 

Eventually, she was approached by a minor demon too stupid to recognize the garb of a priestess.

"Hello, miss."

"Hello, sir. And sir. It would appear that you are both demons. Have you come to abduct me and take me to some sort of prison instead of killing me outright, so that Inu-yasha may arrive at the last moment to rescue me?"

"Um… who?"

"And were you intending to fall in love with me in the process?"

The demon scratched its head. "No, I kinda thought I'd just eat you." It lunged at Kikyou, tearing off her hand. The priestess gritted her teeth in frustration and covered the wound while her attacker spat out chunks of clay.

"Wait, what the hell?"

Kikyou sighed, picked up the discarded hand, smacked the demon across the face with it, and then deep-fried him in a burst of spiritual power. That was one plan down.

* * *

Unsuccessful attempts at dyeing had rendered her hakama a sickly brown rather than green, but Kikyou was rather proud of the alterations: she'd sheared off a good few feet and tweaked her kimono shirt's neckline for a bit more exposure. 

As she walked through the town, whispers and stares following her as dead leaves fell from her hair, a nervous young monk sidled up to her.

"Ah, already I've attracted a monk. So this must be Kagome's secret," Kikyou muttered. To the monk she said, "Good sir, I assume you carry some deeply personal vendetta against Naraku and wish to join my quest."

His eyes darted around. "Um, actually, I couldn't help but notice how you're dressed…"

"Yes?"

He shoved out a fistful of coins. "I know monks aren't really supposed to do this, but, well, um, I can pay up front!"

* * *

"So this would be the extraordinarily powerful, sacred artifact you men sought your entire lives?" 

The leader of the small, handsome group nodded. "Yes, prost—priestess. If it were to fall into the hands of evil, the consequences would be calamitous."

Kikyou stared at the holy artifact, and reached out a finger.

"Oh, clumsy me, I seem to have shattered it and sent the pieces flying every which way. Oh, dear, and now I seem to have painfully slammed you all into the ground with my spiritual power. I don't suppose anyone would care to fall in love with me now?"

* * *

Kikyou arrived at the battle, not exactly running away from anything, but just in a bit of a hurry. Shouts could be heard in the distance, but Inu-yasha's group was more worried about the demon they were fighting. 

Kikyou took a deep breath and fired an arrow, deliberately only grazing the demon's side, and then tripped and fell to the ground in front of it.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up! INU-YAASSHHAA!1" she screamed in her best nails-on-a-blackboard Kagome imitation. The half-demon, wincing in pain, reached out to her—and then the demon's mighty foot squashed the priestess.

"Kikyou!"

There was a muffled "dammit, Inu-yasha" and then the beast disintegrated, leaving an unharmed and unhappy Kikyou lying there.

"Thank goodness for barriers," she muttered. Inu-yasha ran over to her side, and she put on her best look of misty-eyed innocence before turning to face him.

"Oh, Inu-yasha," she said breathlessly. "I just came to let you know that I don't mind if you want to travel with Kagome, really. I'll just be waiting all by myself while you spend time with her, but you do what you want. I'll just be sitting there drowning in a pool of self-centered teenage angst while you check to see if your one true love is still alive; really, it's okay." She turned to Sango and the others. "I realize that I have already sacrificed my life protecting a piece of rock from the forces of evil, but do you now think I am noble and pure?"

"How could you, Inu-yasha!" yelled Sango. "Don't you realize the agony that her mere presence causes Kagome?"

"That's right," muttered Miroku, who was staring happily at Kikyou's modified hakama. "Agony."

Inu-yasha looked back and forth from the teary-eyed Kagome to Kikyou, who quickly fluffed her hair. "Kikyou… Kagome… I, um…"

"Beloved," Kikyou said as Kagome yelled, "Sit!"

Doe-eyed innocence was all well and good, but in some cases there was much to be said for sadism.

* * *

"La la la," Kikyou tried tunelessly, setting the record for "least merry young girl to sing in a forest ever." "La la la, this is the last damn time." She looked around. "Oh, dear. I do believe the ground is clear of all obstacles." 

With an exaggerated motion, she tripped, falling forward into the well which happened to be nearby. A few minutes passed, completely devoid of rescuing.

"Oh, to hell with it," Kikyou muttered, climbing out of the well. And then staring at the crudely constructed hut around her. She pushed open the door, still taking in the strange surroundings, when a boy who practically personified the words "clean-cut" ran up to her.

"Higurashi? What happened to you?"

* * *

"So, if I understand correctly, you come to court Higurashi, although she seems to already possess a 'boyfriend'?" 

"Oh, well, I wouldn't put it that way, Miss Kikyou. Are you sure you're comfortable? You should really rest after you fell into the well like that."

"I am well. Those flowers are for her, although she consistently rejects you?"

"They're specially bred for aromatherapy. To help with her scarlet fever." Houjo smiled pleasantly. "I know she doesn't really want to date me anymore, and I've accepted it, really. I know she already has a boyfriend (or three, according to Eri and Yuka), but I can still be her friend. Someone with Higurashi's tragic, unfortunate life needs all the love and support we can give. You know, it seems like everything bad happens to her"

* * *

When Kagome arrived back at the shrine a few hours later, her happy, "Mom, I'm home!" was interrupted by Kikyou viciously beating her over the head with a specially bred bouquet of aromatherapy flowers. 


End file.
